Light Switch
My most dramatic and anchoring experience occurred at about age 12. I can't explain it logically. I've never tried to examine it. It happened and has stayed with me.
At the time my family attended a Methodist church (all good memories). I was made well aware of my sinful state and God's grace but they remained simply words to be endured until the Sunday morning hour ended and the fun part of the day began.
One morning during the work week (summer? why was I out of school?) I became personally aware of my alienation from God and my impending doom in Hell. I felt the burden, the depression and the darkness. After about 7-8 hours I was lying on the couch and was suddenly filled with a sense of relief, acceptance, joy and forgiveness. It was as if someone had flipped a light swith and my dark life was suddenly filled with light. I can clearly remember leaping up because it was impossible to remain lying in depression.
This was an anchoring experience and a life altering experience. Since then I've never questioned the grace of God and the goodness of the universe.
I no longer believe in Hell (though I believe many of us create our own hell) but this doesn't invalidate the experience.
I no longer believe in "sinfulness" though I do believe in alienation and lostness but this does not invalidate the experience.
I no longer pastor or attend church but that doesn't invalidate the experience.
Something happened that day. It was a small peek at the Truth that destroyed fear and changed me.
For some reason I never told anyone about the experience for years. I wonder how many other people have had similar experiencess but have kept them secret.
At the time my family attended a Methodist church (all good memories). I was made well aware of my sinful state and God's grace but they remained simply words to be endured until the Sunday morning hour ended and the fun part of the day began.
One morning during the work week (summer? why was I out of school?) I became personally aware of my alienation from God and my impending doom in Hell. I felt the burden, the depression and the darkness. After about 7-8 hours I was lying on the couch and was suddenly filled with a sense of relief, acceptance, joy and forgiveness. It was as if someone had flipped a light swith and my dark life was suddenly filled with light. I can clearly remember leaping up because it was impossible to remain lying in depression.
This was an anchoring experience and a life altering experience. Since then I've never questioned the grace of God and the goodness of the universe.
I no longer believe in Hell (though I believe many of us create our own hell) but this doesn't invalidate the experience.
I no longer believe in "sinfulness" though I do believe in alienation and lostness but this does not invalidate the experience.
I no longer pastor or attend church but that doesn't invalidate the experience.
Something happened that day. It was a small peek at the Truth that destroyed fear and changed me.
For some reason I never told anyone about the experience for years. I wonder how many other people have had similar experiencess but have kept them secret.
posted by Paul at 8:27 AM
1 Comments:
Your post shows that there is more wisdom in us than we are consciously aware of!
(By the way if there is an everlasting Hell it would suggest that God's love is conditional -surely this is not the case!)
When I was about thirteen I had a sudden and unexpected "conversion" to atheism. This all happened in a moment or two and I felt liberated. After a few more years, because of my growing awareness of the beauty of nature, I gradually began to believe in God again but never again adopted the Christian faith.( I used to be a Methodist).
Incidentally I very much appreciate your comments on my blog.....Rob
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